More Teacher Jokes!

1. Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know...but maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

2. Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, "Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life."

From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."

3. Does it count as differentiated instruction if I print their worksheets in different colors?

4. Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn't need it.

5. Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?

Student: Not very much

6. A child comes home from 1st day at school and his mom asks, "What did you learn today?"  The child replies: "Not enough, apparently. I have to go back tomorrow."

7. There is one person in our district who is all about No Child Left Behind - the bus driver.

8. A little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he tapped his teacher on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."

9. Teacher: If I had ten apples in my right hand and nine in my left, what would I have?

Student: Huge hands!

10. Mrs. Johnson wrote on the chalk board, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”  Then she asked, “What should I do to correct this?”

“Get a boyfriend!” a student answered.

11. Teacher: Sally, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?

Sally: You said we had to do it without tables!

12. Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?

Student: Not very much.